Top Ten Biblical Ways To Find A Wife

Adam and Eve
Anti-gay christians often hold up Adam and Eve's marriage as the ONLY marriage partnership God will accept, even though the Bible never makes that assertion.

What's really happening is, they're putting their interpretational spin on what the Bible says and then teaching their interpretational spin as God's truth.

This false way of interpreting the Bible operates on the premise that:

"if the Bible says it, it must mean whatever I think it means, regardless of context and therefore, I insist that all christians live according to what I think the verse means.

In plainer words, if its in the Bible, it must be God's will for everyone (no exceptions!!!).

Now everybody pay attention here! We're gonna ignore the context 'cause we don't need no stinkin' context. Interpret it our way or hit the highway..."

It is this "kinda cultish" mindset that gay Christians are faced with daily on the issue of gay marriage.

So if modern christians REALLY believed their Bible, here is how they would go about finding a wife.

Top 10 Biblical Ways
to Find a Wife

10. Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)

9. Buy a piece of property, and get a wife as part of the deal. (Ruth 4:5-10)

8. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, give her new clothes and marry her. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

7. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for your wife. (I Samuel 18:27)

5. Become the emperor of a country, hold a beauty contest and marry the winner. (Esther 2:3-4)

4. Find a man with seven daughters, impress him by watering his flock and marry one of the daughers. (Exodus 2:16-21)

3. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.” (Judges 14:1-3)

2. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil for two wives. (Genesis 29:15-30)

1. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. (Genesis 2:19-24)

Note One: If you're a Creationist, this wife-getting process will happen quickly and will only cost you a rib.

Note Two: If you are a christian who believes in evolution, don't expect a wife anytime soon. By your own belief system, the wife-"creating" process takes millions of years.

Well, that's what you christian evolutionists profess to believe, right?

--- Hat tip to, Midwest Christian Outreach an evangelical counter-cult ministry (which is definitely not supportive of gay marriage), but which gave this satirical insight into what happens when christians rip verses out of context and then insist we have to do things exactly like their proof text says, regardless of the context.

Last but not least, here's an interesting look at using Biblical Analogy to validate gay marriage.

Scriptural analogies encourage us to accept homosexual partnerships.